Random Notes to Wedding Guests Everywhere

• You will never out-pretty a size zero blonde bride. Don't waste your time trying.



• White dresses with giant black flowers on them look like cow hide from five feet away.



• Lime green dresses with giant hot pink flowers on them will make people ask "Is that a watermelon dress?"



• Flip-flops may be a questionable choice in footwear, unless they have sequins on them. (Sorry CS!)



• Rich, white, skinny girls have lots of rich, white, skinny friends. Expect to feel ugly no matter how you look.



• You can try all the fancy sundried-tomato quiche and lobster cobbler you want, but the pigs in a blanket are always a sure bet.



• If the best man starts his speech by talking about hockey, prepare to be bored.



• If you want to take pictures of how fancy you look, do it before you get food stains, drunken eyes, or sweaty hair.



• I don't care how skinny you are; if you wear a short baby doll dress to a wedding, you're going to look like a pregnant slut.



• Never leave your food unless you are done eating it. The table will be cleared by the time you come back.



• Don't worry about crying in the bathroom. There is always at least one other person doing the same thing.



• A flower girl dress is made for twirling.



• When the DJ plays Ice Ice Baby, it's time to head home.