Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Let Freedom Ring

I'm sad today, and I can't pinpoint why. I think it is a hormonal thing, judging by the calendar. I'm lucky to be very predictable in that sense. I've been learning to stay in tune with my body so that I am more prepared for the weekly ups and downs. And, as a free form of birth control without the added weight gain, bad skin, and upset stomach. (Hated the pill, can you tell?)

Anyway, I have no real reason to be sad. Stressed for my friends, worried about the kids. But nothing out of the ordinary. I can't blame any one thing. I just am. Blue. But getting over it.

It's hard to believe it was only a week ago Dr. J shook things up. We had our appointment with him Friday, and things didn't go as badly as I had feared. He is starting Ethan on a new drug, whose name I can't even remember at the moment, except it starts with L. It takes several weeks to taper onto this medicine, so we actually get a bit of a break, if you can call it that. In two months, we should know more. We go back to see Dr. J again in early October. Maybe we'll get that summer break after all.

He still wants us to go to Boston. He is setting us up with an appointment with a doctor who specializes in Epilepsy. She has a title - she is an Epileptologist. Or an Epileptist. Or an Epilepstician. I had never heard the term before. Those brain doctors, they like the fancy names.

Apparantly, she used to work at Children's, but now runs a Ketogenic program at MassGeneral. So we get to visit our third Boston hospital. Yay us! Before you know it, we'll have connections all across the city. Of course, she is busy as all doctors are, so we will probably have to wait a few months to see her.

At least, I hope so. Is that terrible?

I guess if he was visibly suffering from these seizures, or Dr. J was more concerned, I'd be more concerned. But I'm not. I see that 75% of the time, he is happy, and that makes things feel a little less urgent.

We left Dr. J's office feeling a little better about things. He seemed a little more relaxed. His hair was growing in and was a bit shaggy. Must have been his upcoming vacation that made him more personable. He was still his stiff and serious self, but ... I swear, I think I saw it. He almost. Maybe. SMILED.

Whoa. It was a little like a solar eclipse. Rare, fleeting, and hard to look directly into.

So that's the update. This weekend was the 4th of July holiday, so I had the extra day off from work. It was beautiful and I wish it never had to end. I want to cook out and eat hamburgers and hotdogs every day forever, just to pretend it is really summer, like when I was a kid. And there is no school, or work or responsibility. Just freedom.

But for now, I'll take freedom from doctors for a week or two. That's better than any firework show.

I think my last task here is finally finished so I can head home. Listen to some music on the ride, and just unwind. Try to shed the Blue.

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