Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Eat your heart out, Vinnie Barbarino

In my mind, 2005 will forever be The Year of the Vinces. It was the year I found my two soulmates - Vince Vaughn and Vincent D'Onofrio.

***

My interest in VV was picqued by Old School, Dodgeball and some DEPRESSING movie I caught on network TV. But it was solidified when Jete and I saw Wedding Crashers. That was the first (and, so far, last) movie we saw together in the theaters after Ethan's surgery, and it really hit the spot. We laughed and laughed until we cried. It was cathartic, which I'm sure had more to do with the ordeal we had been through than the movie. But I still give Vince some of the credit.

We bought the DVD and watched it last week. Definitely funnier the first time around, but Vince still cracks. me. up. I love watching him eat. All those crab cakes? And that scene, when he's fighting with Owen, but decides to stay and eat breakfast anyway? Just thinking about him trying to talk with an entire brunch in his mouth makes me laugh.

Yes. It's silly and childish and downright dumb. But what can I say? He's my Three Stooges all rolled into one delicious package.

***

Obviously, Law & Order, CI is what secured my love for VD. (Okay, yuck. And I was going to change that sentence, but isn't it funny? Just think of the Google hits I'll get...)

I first saw my "boyfriend Bobby", as Jete calls him, in that HORRIBLE war movie where he blows his head off ten minutes in. From that point until early last year I was so, so, scared of him. He just creeped me out. I couldn't watch the CI episodes, even though I was obsessed with all the other L&O franchises.

One night, I was too tired or lazy to change the channel and I saw a full episode. And from that moment on, I was hooked. If you're a fan, you know the disease. Detective Goren's obsession with his case becomes your obsession with him. The head bob. The bug eyes. The psychoanalysis he uses on everyone. As crazy as he is, he knows people to their very core. And something about that is so seductive.

I tried to explain this to E once, and she echoed my thoughts. There's something about him that is simultaneously creepy and sexy. I'm afraid of him, but I want to take care of him. I'll bring him home with me, but get a restraining order. It's so bizarre. But true love never makes much sense, I suppose.

***

Tonight, I caught the last few minutes an episode. Bobby (oh! how can you not love a grown man who goes by BOBBY?) had just arrested a thief. Following was the last few lines of dialog:


Thief (sticking his head out of the cruiser):
This will be the last time we meet like this detective.

My-Boyfriend-Bobby:
I hope so.

Thief's Mother
(who was there for some reason, I'm sure): [Scoffs] Hope is for suckers, detective.

And, scene.

See? That's why I love my boyfriend Bobby. He has hope for a thief, even when his own mother has given up on him.

7 comments:

erica said...

You left out Swingers! Therefore, I am not remotely sorry to tell you that, as such, your claim on VV is null and void, and he is still mine. Ha!

And VD is playing BWBMH in the tv movie version of my life, so you can't have him either.

I'll have to get you the full list soon, I guess. :)

PS - Vinnie Barbarino called and said, "up your nose with a rubber hose!"

Mete said...

As you know, I'm a BIT behind on my movie watching and have never seen Swingers.

And the answer to your question is yes, I DO live under a rock.

If we have another kid, do you think Jete would take kindly to me naming him Vincent?

erica said...

Blasphemy! How could you have lived this long and never seen Swingers? And why can I picture it in the movie collection you have in your living room - does Jete have it? Or am I just completely crazy?
Next time I'm out that way, we are TOTALLY having a viewing party!

Mete said...

I'm up for that. We'll pretend we're in the movie theaters. Complete with a running, screaming child who begs for snacks and kicks the back of your seat.

No, Jete hasn't seen it either. At least, I don't think it's on the shelf - unless he's hiding it between his his dozen or so Steven Segal flicks. I never look there.

Day said...

Yes, Swingers...it's mandatory viewing for any VV fan. I so understand where you're coming from, btw. I myself would like to tattoo my name on these men.

Mete said...

Well that settles it - Swingers is going on our list of Movies to Watch When We Get the Time.

I should get around to that in, oh, 2024?

Or can we watch it with CG? Is this "Swingers" as in "we like to dance and listen to swing music"? Cause that, he could handle.

Or is this "Swingers" as in "how'd ya like to have a good time with me and my six closest friends?" Then, it would definitely have to wait until he's in college.

(Knowing Vince's history, I'm gonna have to guess Door #2.)

erica said...

Let's call it a little of column A and a little of column B. Though there aren't any TRUE orgy scenes, if that's what your worried about.
(Me? I'm worried about the fact that I was CONVINCED you had this in your collection. Why the hell did I make that up??)