Wisdom from the Book of Joe

So, me? I'm crazy.

I am constantly terrified that I'm dying of some hidden disease no one has found yet. I've been a bit of a hypochondriac since I was a kid. I once cried for hours SURE I had appendicitis and my appendix was going to burst ANY MINUTE. And clearly I was going to die because my parents did not believe me.

Later, I realized I just had gas.

My insanity has lasted into adulthood. Consider the following story...

I got a few pieces of Bazooka gum in our company store this afternoon. (My feeble attempt to cure my sweet tooth without chocolate. I got a peanut butter cup too. Just in case.)

In my piece of gum, I had the following fortune:

MATTERS OF HEALTH ARE VERY IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.

Inside my head:

aggghhhh. it's a sign. see, i know it's a sign. i have been going to the bathroom a lot lately. i bet i am getting diabetes. that's what I get for being so fat. then i'll die of a heart attack for sure. i mean, what else could it be? i know i can't be pregnant... let me just look on the internet to see what else causes frequent urination. yeah, yeah, stress, drinking too much, caffeine. can't be any of that... oh man. kidney disorders. bladder cancer. yikes. well, at least i know i don't have prostate problems.

So now? I just had another piece of Bazooka. And this was my fortune:

YOU WILL BE A FINE SWIMMER AND MAY MAKE THE OLYMPIC TEAM.

If I live long enough, apparantly.

So, yeah. Guess Joe don't know as much as I thought he did.

I have real things to blog about. Ethan's appointment last Friday. Rich relatives. My 30th birthday. I'll get around to those.

Once I get over my next gum crisis.