Friday, September 29, 2006

Fine and Good

So I'm totally fine. I'm good, actually. I'm enjoying a Friday evening after what seemed to have been one of the longest weeks this year.

And then I see this.

And I'm crying again, and thinking of all we lost. And thinking, she totally deserves that, they all do. But so do we. Don't we? And we haven't just lost it once, we've lost it three times now. We lost that first year that Ethan should have had. And yeah, we had it with CG, but we didn't Get It, didn't enjoy it at all, because we were so worried that it would all come crashing down on us at any minute. And now, we've lost it again, before we even had a chance to relax and do things differently. It all seems so unfair, and yes, we aren't alone, and yes, there are so many other people who have it worse. But right now, in this moment, I'm not thinking of them. I'm thinking of me. And that's okay.

But no. I'm fine. I'm cleaning myself up, wiping my eyes. Everything is good.

Seriously. Carry on with whatever it was you were doing before. There's nothing to see here.

5 comments:

M&Co. said...

Peace.

Meredith said...

I'm so sorry. Miscarriage is one of those terrible things that haunts you for a very long time. Noone seems to really get it until they have one. I hope each day brings you more towards peace.

Frances said...

I came to catch up and read the news.

I am so sorry.

Meredith says it best.

lisa said...

Yes, we all deserve to have a happy, perfect first year with our babies. And it sucks so bad when we don't. Her post made me quite teary...and not really in the way it made most of her readers, I'm sure.

I think of the pregnancies I've lost a lot. I still feel a gaping hole, even now that Julia is here. I realize now she can't fill the hole, she's got her own place in my heart.

Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry.